Rough days

I had a bad day yesterday and another bad one today. I am consumed with sadness. I keep replaying things over in my head, I lie awake at night thinking about my mom. I just cannot face the fact it is Christmas in a few days and I will not have her with me for the first time. I went to the mall to get a few gifts bought alone today. I left the mall in tears and cried the whole way home. I did get a few gifts purchased, luckily.

I hope I can find the strength to fake it, at least my family knows why and understands (except for my niece and nephew)

I am going to start and end my days differently from today forward. I will mention more of what it entails as I find it to be useful or not. I have to turn to my faith to help me get through this. I had been taking RCIA classes until my mom fell ill and was in the hospital, after she died I could not finish this time.